awww, sorry, anon, i definitely know that feeling. there have just been a lot of people who should really really REALLY know better who’ve been taking all of this nonsense super seriously.
basically, the whole cokehead tazer thing came from this random chick who posted a (not at all incriminating, totally standard) fan pic of her with tazer and then captioned it with something like “tbt that time jonathan toews tried to get us to do coke with him!” and a surprising number of people took that as solid evidence the dude was snorting lines all over the place, while the rest of us thought the rumor and the reaction were the funniest thing ever and started making lots of jokes about it. which also led to the steroids thing, hahaha.
the balding thing has been going on for a while — fandom is super into tracking the hair situation of each of these dudes. especially kaner, who admittedly has had some dramatic fluctuations in tonsorial quality. i tend to agree with you, though. he’s definitely got thinning hair, but he also has just naturally thin hair and a very very very pronounced widow’s peak. some people are dedicated to the idea he got hair plugs that are now failing, but i’m inclined to think it’s more a styling issue. he can make his hair look good, but it takes a careful hairstyle and some strategic wispy fluffing. sweat/water/gel/etc. are not his friends.